Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I wish...

As I was reading another friends facebook about how they are going to give birth in the next 24 hours my heart had mixed emotions. While I am truly ecstatic for my friend my heart bears pain because I would love to have one of my own. Until today I haven't even shared my true feelings with anyone.
My husband is okay either way but as we approach forty (me this year) I think he would prefer the freedom we have (since my stepson is 14 and lives with us) coming in 4 or so years. My mother says maybe we should just be the fun aunt and uncle but that it would still be okay to give her a grandchild. My doctor says I am healthy with the exception of being diagnosed with Type II diabetes last summer but am keeping under control with diet and exercise.
I am struggling with the realization that a child may never happen and I am turning 40 this summer. There are days the longing is so great that I cry. I just wish God would tell me if its going to ever happen so I can move pass these feelings.


  1. Don't rule it out...My mom had my brother at 39. Even though you may have never express those words, I KNEW you wanted one of your own. My prayers are with you as God sends you his answer.

  2. I am glad you visited my silly blog, because now I know about yours. It sounds like you are going through a huge life adjustment & are longing for another adjustment- a baby of your own. I struggled with infertility for years and, although it is not the same situation, I an familiar with the deep desire of having a child. Thank you for sharing your story. I pray that you will have peace & joy no matter which way the road leads!