Faith Through the Eyes of a Child

Prayer...is what the pastor spoke on this morning. Asking others for prayer or praying for yourself can make a huge difference. Growing up in a charismatic/pentecostal church, I grew up believing that the God in the Bible was still performing miracles and answering prayer today. However, sometimes that faith wavers when the answer isn't what you want it to be.

When I miscarried last summer I asked God why didn't He heal the baby. I knew in my heart of hearts He could perform such a miracle. My faith wavered. As we have continued to try and have a little one, God has yet to bless us. My faith has wavered. When my husband lost his job and had to take one with half the pay making it harder to pay the bills, my faith wavered. Now, we are waiting to hear about a new job that would make life much more easier, I struggle not to see the past. I am praying hard for my faith not to waiver if the answer is no.

As I listened to the sermon this morning I was reminded of a time of prayer in my life. It was at a church skate night. My parents, brother, sister-in-law, and their two little ones were there enjoying the fellowship, as well as myself. I was skating around when my feet went out from under me and down I went doing the splits the first time ever. As I lay there in pain the one thing I remember is my three year old nephew "M", who is now fourteen, came running over and literally laid himself on my leg and started praying. Oh the faith he had at such a tender age. He just knew Jesus would take care of his "Ooh Ooh" (me).

       

I think that God was telling me not to waver in my faith and to trust in Him to take care of everything. As hard as it is to let go and let God, I need to have faith just like my nephew.

Change Is In The Air

Sometimes change is good, sometimes bad, and sometimes just bittersweet. Below is a list of changes:

1. A less stressful change: My formentioned co-worker who was tormenting me and my team teacher is moving to another school. Even though it was stressful and the things she said to us were very disrespectful and demeaning I still wish her the best at her new school. In this case, change is good.

2. We are losing a wonderful counselor. Both staff and students love her. This is bittersweet.

3. My hubby's hours at work for next week allow for him to be off at noon on my birthday, July 4th! This early change is great!

4. Family changes (working on a baby): None as of right now. This is a disappointing change that I am dealing with.

5. Personally: working on a motivational change. I am finding things overwhelming but I am plowing through and trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Bittersweet

Bittersweet is my current emotion. This past weekend my stepfather remarried. My brain knew this was coming but my heart threw me for a loop. My Mama passed away almost two years ago and they were only married for three years before she passed but I felt sad that he moved on.
When my Daddy passed away my Mama mourned for several years and I knew she missed him.

When Papa C came into her life I never felt that he was taking my daddy's place but just taking us on as his kids too. He married my Mama barely a year after he lost his first wife and he is a man who needs to be married. I always wondered if his children thought that was too soon. Did they think that he had forgotten their mama? I'm sure he didn't since he was married to her over thirty years. But he was only married to my Mama for three and I feel as though she is a forgotten memory to him. I knew things would change but I didn't think I would be upset about him remarrying.

Don't get me wrong, Papa C married a wonderful woman. I even knew her before he did because we worked together at one time. My hubby and I even had dinner with them a few months back. But when he posted on his facebook that he married the love of his life it shook me up. Then of course I tortured myself and looked at the pictures too and all I could think about was Mama's wedding to Papa C.

Maybe I feel the way I do because I miss Mama and Daddy so much and most of my family is living so far away. Maybe I just want the family together like Papa C's family was this past weekend. Maybe...just maybe...

A New Start With Humility & Reflection

This weeks lesson was on humility and reflection.  As the school year is coming to an end things are still a bit stressful but a change is in the air. 
Change started on Tuesday when our principal laid herself open to her staff asking for truth.  Truth about the relationship between administration and staff.  Several times our principal's eyes were moist as she bared her heart and soul open for what would hopefully be constructive criticism in order for healing to begin. This is the mark of a leader who is willing to lead by example.
The sad thing is that not all current staff were there.  The one who needed to be humbled by this left when the bell rang.  The one teacher who is constantly feeling "whoa is me" did not choose to be a part of this healing process but this was her choice. 
I, on the other hand, am looking forward to this new start of working together as a team to benefit our students.

Time To Grow Up

You would think being on spring break that it would be relaxing and rejuvenating. It all started with a trip to my husbands hometown. Most of it was spent visiting his family and friends but apparently one of my team members thought it was the perfect time to come up with a plan.

You see, we have been having some issues at work. Mostly from a small group but it affects the whole school. We have a group of three coming up the grade levels which means one teacher is going to have to move for a year. Next year this group hits my grade level and one of us will have to move two grade levels down. This is a serious issue because two of the teachers have been there longer but me and another teacher have technology based classrooms. This is a dilemma. Rumor has it I and my partner will be staying so the other two have made this year very uncomfortable.

Her plan was to move one of us one grade below, departmentalize everyone, and make the principal move the fourth grade job share to third. This plan come on the heel of the plan she made about me and my partner both moving two grade levels below (she did this in secret). I don't know why she can't just put the students first and stop making enemies of her coworkers. She even had the audacity to tell me and my partner that she had more experience, tenure, a masters degree, etc... basically she attacked our teaching.

I wrote her a professional email telling her I would not be a part of a plan that does not put students needs first, plans my coworkers teaching careers, and she could quit looking at this like a competition. Even though I teach elementary sometimes my coworker acts like a toddler always wanting its way.