A Difficult Week ~ Friday Confessional

I confess...I am at a loss with my students.
I confess...Frontier Theatre is my most hated field trip especially when it is storming all day.
I confess...I wish parents would discipline their children instead of leaving it up to the school system.
I confess...This year I have the most difficult, non producing classroom.
I confess...Success is all I want for them.
I confess...Frustration is my middle name. This goes back to "I'm at a loss with my students."
I confess...I was told on Field Day that my class was the worse class.
I confess...That my students wait until I go to the bathroom to start a fist fight even though other teachers and parent volunteers are watching them.
I confess...I had my students evaluate me after I gave them pizza. :o)
I confess...Despite a bad week I do love each and everyone of them and wouldn't change it for the world.
I confess...I am counting the days until next Friday when school is finished for the year.

Difficulty in Counting the Blessings

I haven't posted in awhile because I feel as though I am just barely keeping my head above water. So much has happened and as much as I am trying to count my blessings it seems they are few an far between lately. I keep telling myself two more weeks and I have the summer to rejuvenate and grieve. Several of my friends including my boss have commended me for keeping a positive outlook and not letting it effect my work. The truth is I am falling apart inside.

As a teacher I sometimes look at my year starting in August and ending in July. So you can say that my year started off pretty rough, not with my students, but with my personal life. My 40th year has not been the best.

My Momma passed away at the beginning of September. I have pushed down my feelings until I have enough time to focus on them. The blessings I can count from this is that my Momma is with my Daddy in Heaven and they are the happiest they have ever been in their life. Me? I grieve.

In October we were informed of the possibility of my husband losing his teaching job which was confirmed this past April. He is burnt out from teaching and is unsure of what he wants to do. This also has us changing my stepsons school during his second year of high school. The blessing from this we have his income throughout the summer.

In March we found out that we were expecting our first child. This is truly a blessing until we were informed on May 4th that our child has a birth defect. One that will take its life either in the womb or as soon as it is born. My husband was speechless as we listened to the specialist break this devastating news. The only hope we have is that God performs a miracle on this little one. I'll be honest...I have no blessing to count here.

My brother, a chaplain, said to me yesterday "I'm sorry that you can't seem to catch a break.". I know they are praying for us and the baby but I agree with him. So Lord, please let us catch a break because I am at my breaking point.

Exhausted...Could Someone Send Me Some Energy?

If anyone had told me being pregnant would make you this exhausted I probably would have not gotten pregnant. I miss my energy! Then I heard that this only happens during the first trimester and the last trimester and that during my second trimester I would feel energetic. There is one problem with that...the two trimesters I am or going to be exhausted are the two that I will be working! Being a teacher I have the summers off and that is when I have been told that I will rebound and my life will not be exhausting.

I guess I shouldn't complain too much because thank the Lord I have had absolutely no morning sickness.