Sunday, May 22, 2011

Difficulty in Counting the Blessings

I haven't posted in awhile because I feel as though I am just barely keeping my head above water. So much has happened and as much as I am trying to count my blessings it seems they are few an far between lately. I keep telling myself two more weeks and I have the summer to rejuvenate and grieve. Several of my friends including my boss have commended me for keeping a positive outlook and not letting it effect my work. The truth is I am falling apart inside.

As a teacher I sometimes look at my year starting in August and ending in July. So you can say that my year started off pretty rough, not with my students, but with my personal life. My 40th year has not been the best.

My Momma passed away at the beginning of September. I have pushed down my feelings until I have enough time to focus on them. The blessings I can count from this is that my Momma is with my Daddy in Heaven and they are the happiest they have ever been in their life. Me? I grieve.

In October we were informed of the possibility of my husband losing his teaching job which was confirmed this past April. He is burnt out from teaching and is unsure of what he wants to do. This also has us changing my stepsons school during his second year of high school. The blessing from this we have his income throughout the summer.

In March we found out that we were expecting our first child. This is truly a blessing until we were informed on May 4th that our child has a birth defect. One that will take its life either in the womb or as soon as it is born. My husband was speechless as we listened to the specialist break this devastating news. The only hope we have is that God performs a miracle on this little one. I'll be honest...I have no blessing to count here.

My brother, a chaplain, said to me yesterday "I'm sorry that you can't seem to catch a break.". I know they are praying for us and the baby but I agree with him. So Lord, please let us catch a break because I am at my breaking point.


  1. Well, one thing you can take from this is that God never gives you more than you can handle. I don't know what he has in store for you, although I hope it's a miracle for your baby and that he/she is born healthy. I know it must be really hard to feel secure in God that things are going to turn out okay right now, but honestly that's all you can do. At this point it's just a matter of faith, hope, and waiting. I'll be praying for you, and I hope that everything works out.

  2. I can't remember how I came across your blog, I think from Dawn. I am sending you positive thoughts. I know a little of what you are feeling. I don't want to say I know exactly how you are feeling because only you know how you are feeling and somtimes even that is difficult. If you feel like it come visit my blog. I don't ask many people to do that but I feel that maybe you wouldn't feel like you are all alone. I hope you keep posting just so I know how you are doing. My thoughts (can't say prayers yet my faith is somewhere out there floating) are with you.

  3. You know I pray for you daily! Love you girl!