For a week now I have known that my husband and stepson were headed out camping. It was the topic of conversation many a time because my husband wanted to "Duel Survival" during his camping trip. For those of you who don't know this is a television show that we watch where two men go out in certain situations and show you how you can survive. Of course their duel survival week wouldn't be as drastic of a situation.
What I didn't know was how I would feel once they left. Now mind you I know that they are coming home but the anxiety was building up. Both were told to charge cell phones and I would expect a daily call from one of them. Last night I called my husband only for the phone to go to voice mail. I will admit a bit of panic set in and I was getting upset (typically if he doesn't answer I get an immediate call back, this did not happen). When my husband finally called (about 20 minutes later) I burst into tears and was visibly upset with him. This was an unexpected moment for me. I did not think this would be my reaction.
We talked about even though I was used to him being gone for hunting, etc. this time was different. This past year has been a year of loss with my Mama and then the recent loss of our little baby boy. I know that my anxiety stems from these losses. I was afraid to lose my husband and if I lost him I would also lose my stepson. This did not set right with me.
There are many things a person can do when feeling this way. I am glad that I was taught to pray and that if I couldn't pray myself call someone who could. Of course the second choice isn't great if its 10:30 at night. However, even though I don't like them being far away I called my sister-in-law in Hawaii (the military just transferred them there). She is amazing and got my mind off of what was happening and I know that even though she was busy she would take the time to pray. When we hung up a calmness came over me and I was able to sleep.
I know that this feeling of loss will not always go away but how I deal with it makes a difference.
We are certainly having parallel lives here. I mean I get a smile on my face when I see that you have updated and now after reading your blog my smile is a little wider. My husband is going to Gettysburg Thurs-Sun. You described my feelings exactly. My counselor says I am feeling vulnerable,and that it is understandable. Since I can't yet make that leap to prayer yet I am pretty lost.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for posting
When we can't pray for ourselves it's okay to ask others. I'll make that leap for you for now. I enjoy reading your blog as well.
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